I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
