how can u be prego again
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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