Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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