I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
