im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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