I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
