Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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