He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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