Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
