a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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