i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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