it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
