he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize