went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
