I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
