Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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