Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
