Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
