I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
