Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
