Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
