I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
