can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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