I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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