there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
