Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
