I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
