Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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