I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize