I think I died a long time ago.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
