my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
