I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
how drunk are you?
Several
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
