Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize