I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
