Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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