ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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