do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
