Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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