Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
