I must be too annoying 4 u.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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