I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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