loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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