I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
