thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
