Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize