Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize