i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
