I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
