Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
