At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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