Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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