i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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