i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
