are you so shy because you have an std?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
