you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
farters have to be the big spoon...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
