"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
