hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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