Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
