I wish I could punch you in the face.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
