Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
