Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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