I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
PANTIES FOUND
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