He is such a slut. More and more my type.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
